On July 7, 2007 His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI, issued his motu proprio, Summorum Pontificum effectively
freeing the Extraordinary Form of the one Roman Rite. Prior to this historic document, the Extraordinary Form or TLM as most adherents prefer, had been implemented in only a very few parishes throughout the United States and indeed, the world. The purpose of this little essay is not to explore whether one form is better than the other…there are passionate supporters on both sides. I’d simply like to share how this exquisite Mass, this liturgy of antiquity has captivated the mind, heart and soul of every member of my family.
So here goes:
I’m a convert. Born and raised protestant, baptized in a Pentecostal Holiness Church (yep, that’s right folks…they speak in “tongues”, though I never did!). I spent the majority of my young life “church shopping”: Baptist, Pentecostal, Lutheran, Disciples of Christ, Methodist…you name it, I tried it. I memorized scripture, attended weekday fellowship meetings and competed with other little kids to see who could bring the most visitors to church. It was fun. The music was upbeat, everyone was “saved” and Sunday attendance was never mandatory.
The first time I ever visited a Catholic Church was with my Baptist grandmother. She had always loved the Church, but had never converted due to her staunchly Baptist parents and the fear of upsetting them. So she would pay friendly visits to Our Lord in the tabernacle and light candles. She needed no catechesis. She knew Who was there. From the very beginning I was mesmerized by the beauty, the mystery that surrounded me in that Church. Altar rails, pews with kneelers, hauntingly beautiful statuary and brutally rendered crucifixes provided a backdrop that filled the holes that existed in my “bible-believing” background. By the age of ten, I knew…knew that once saved always saved simply wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. The bible certainly didn’t confirm it, and I had memorized all the pertinent verses to help others on the road to salvation. The bible spoke of a Church that was the pillar and foundation of all truth. All truth…goodness the bible didn’t even make that claim for itself! What Church could this be? I’d been to so many…
It would be many more years, before I would receive that answer. I began reading, reading, reading. And pestering a Catholic friend. I peppered her with questions. In frustration, this same friend finally insisted that I attend an inquirer’s session at a local Catholic Church. I was 25 years old. The meeting was quite informal. I basically assaulted the priest with every question I could dream up…I’m quite sure that I monopolized that particular session. Satisfied with the answers I’d received, I quickly signed up for RCIA.
Now…here’s where the story gets interesting. The first time I entered my local Catholic Church, I was horrified! What happened? Where were the pews? The kneelers? The statues? The tabernacle…oh, there it is…in the corner…wait! Where’s the Crucifix? Why is there a large banner of a butterfly over the altar? This lovely Church had been wrecked…I saw the photos of the old Church in the vestibule. I imagine the purpose of that picture was to show everyone how the Church had been “modernized”, but what I saw was a Church “de-Catholicized”, in fact, it appeared far more protestant than the Methodist church I was attending with my husband and children.
Perhaps you’re wondering why I signed up for RCIA? Why hadn’t I attended Mass a few times to see if I “liked it?” Folks…this wasn’t about “like” or “love”, but about being right. The Catholic Church was the answer for me…the right one. And I needed to be right. Are you following this? I made a “head trip” not a “heart trip” into the Church. My real conversion wouldn’t occur for many years…a story in and of itself.
It took me two years to enter the Church. No annulments or messy things to clean up…I simply couldn’t reconcile a lot of the things I would hear in RCIA with the Catechism of the Catholic Church. The DRE (who was a Franciscan nun) told us many things that were irreconcilable with the faith. She basically negated the necessity of Confession, insisted that women would one day be priests and referred to God as Mother/Father.
I quit.
The Hound of Heaven is quite persistent. I had to persevere. After much suffering, many tears and the weekly agony of RCIA, I finally entered the Church. What a relief! I was so thankful that I had finished that I didn’t go back for at least two weeks. Shocking, isn’t it? Where was my fervor? I had received my Lord and my God into my very self. I was a member of His Body, and yet I never wanted to go back to that Church…I wanted to find out what happened to the Church that I had seen as a child, read about in books. I wanted to find the beauty of the faith that had been captured in centuries of art. I knew it existed. Somehow it had been misplaced.
So I searched. I visited other Catholic Churches. Many of them were very orthodox but none were close to home. By this time, my husband, grandmother (yes!!! The same grandma that always wanted to be a Catholic) and my mother had joined the Church. We had begun to attend regularly, and I must admit, that Mass was sometimes a near occasion of sin for me. I was so angry at the liturgical abuses. So angry that no one seemed to care. Frustrated and feeling very much alone. My husband, on the other hand, was the model Catholic…he always felt at home, no matter what kind of “hospitality” he received…how much I could learn from him! Though he too lamented what our weekly Mass had become, he remained encouraging to me and the children. His faith has always been one of the heart, a heart full of generosity and goodwill.
A few years later, I experienced a “Saul on the road to Damascus” kind of conversion. Sounds tantalizing and I promise to share it, but not now. It’s a long and mystical journey, better suited for another time…
My heart was on fire. Consumed with a burning love for my God, my Faith, my Church, I struggled to make the best of what was before me. For ten years we lived in a desert, one of constant battles to protect the innocence of our children when immoral materials were introduced in CCD, battles to obtain the sacrament of Penance before First Holy Communion, as dictated by the Catechism. My husband and I taught CCD, trying desperately to correct the errors that were being promoted in the classroom. We began homeschooling. We watched a succession of priests, with no essential change. None would stand up to the DRE. (*this DRE has since been reassigned to another country, and an orthodox Bishop is slowly but surely trying to turn the tide of modernism*)
We prayed for a miracle. And it happened.
In the midst of this desert, two friends arrived. They were our solace, our comfort and the “manna” that we desperately needed. And then they moved. My dear Sandra would write, telling me of the incredible new parish they had found, the Mass was in Latin, the priest was an angel…in other words, they had been lead out of Egypt and into the Promised Land.
At least that’s how it seemed to me. I was still in Egypt, wandering, looking for solace, reminding myself that my Lord is just as present at a badly handled Mass, as He is in the most orthodox ceremony.
But it was hard.
Back to the miracle! These wonderful friends invited us to check out their parish, with the offer of a rent-free dwelling if we were willing to chance a move. In other words, a whole new life. New home, new job, new parish. It was enticing, to say the least, but quite frightening for a family that owned a home and had lived in a community for more than 17 years. We scheduled a weekend off and paid our friends a visit. We loved the community, but were anxious for a visit to the Church, we decided that if God had something to tell us, we would best hear His Voice there.
I remember donning my veil for the first time. I’ve worn one ever since. There was something so beautiful, so humbling about approaching the doors of the Church, unfolding the mantilla, carefully situating it, even feeling a bit self-conscious. Those feelings soon passed as I entered Holy Family Catholic Church. Breathtakingly beautiful…the heady scent of incense filled the air. We were a bit late and had to sit in the back of the Church. No missal, no expectations…just the extraordinary beauty, the exquisitely lovely words that transcend time and space, the “smells and bells” as some would call them.
I wept. I needed no missal. I knew these words. I had heard them in my heart. This was the song, the beautiful love song that time had woven. “Organic development” is so unromantic, but that was exactly what this Mass was. Something natural, something that had grown, developed and yet still maintained the roots of its origin. There were no words necessary. Roger and I shared a single glance and we both knew, we had heard that Voice.
We moved. Stepping out in absolute trust and faith, believing firmly that this was what we were called to. There were ups and downs, but the blessings and graces were and continue to be, immeasurable. The faith life of this family has changed so completely. We long to go to Church, we hunger for it! Yes…even the children. When we first moved, we lived across the street from an amazingly beautiful Catholic Church. There were the inevitable days (bad weather, car troubles) that would require our attendance at this local church. The children would weep. Weep. They could sleep in two hours, didn’t have to travel a half hour into Columbus and didn’t have to sit for an hour and a half. They didn’t care. They wanted their Church. They weren’t looking for friends and donuts. We had all stumbled upon a beautiful mystery, a story of such historical depth…we’re all still waiting for the surprise ending!
The fervor remains. All four boys now serve on the altar, begging us to leave as early as possible every Sunday morning. They sprint up the stairs of the sacristy, young knights ready to don their vestments to serve the King. Every weekend, we watch the sanctuary fill with young men, seminarians and visiting priests. Twelve vocations in the past ten years from this small inner city parish…that is the fruit of this beautiful Mass. It is our prayer that our own family may be graced with a vocation or two. What an honor it would be to give back to God these children He has so generously placed in our care.
The Traditional Latin Mass is alive and well…large families, lots of babies and little ones, as Father says: “It’s my youngest and best attended Mass…I believe the average age is somewhere around 4.”
We still occasionally attend the Ordinary Form. It’s important that our children recognize the validity of this Mass as well as the rubrics. But it’s always different, everywhere we go. Ultimately, we recognize that the only continuity we will experience will be that which exists in the Traditional Latin Mass…there is no room improvement. None is needed.
If you have a chance to attend a Latin Mass, give it a try. It is lovely to remember what was, what is and what will always be…
I am a traditional Catholic homeschooling mother of 9 children, married for 27 years to the most patient and sainted man. As converts to Catholicism in 1991, our family has only recently discovered the beauty and full expression of our beliefs in the timeless liturgy of antiquity, the Extraordinary Form also commonly referred to as the Traditional Latin Mass. An avid knitter, I also enjoy gardening, reading and immersing myself in the everyday graces of my vocation.
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I haven’t written about this much – but our first Latin Mass was like returning to something I had never been to. Does that make sense? It was all so new, but very familiar. I was absolutely thrilled when my husband, a convert, felt the same way. Thanks for sharing. It was beautiful.
My fiance and I go to mass with each other every weekend, and recently we have started attending TLM twice a month. It is quite a hike from where we live, but it is so much more fulfilling than when we go to a mass in ordinary form. This was such a beautiful and encouraging post to read.
Your family sounds so beautiful! Thanks for sharing such an equally beautiful story with us! It’s funny, our conversion stories are so similiar! I too took two years to convert. It was always a matter of intellectual debate…who was right. Then, of course, there was the liberal nun running RCIA who called God our Mother/Father the first week we met. That night I politely argued and then quit RCIA. The next fall I was prepared for the battle. I fought this woman the whole year and even handed out information to the fellow converts who were being told “you don’t have to believe in Purgatory” and such. I was a thorn in her side for sure….lol. Boy was the battle worth the fight! I’ve been Catholic now for seven years and thankfully had a conversion of heart as well during RCIA.
I am so thankful for my faith, but lately can’t seem to feel good about the Parish I attend. I know it is not all about feelings, but I have to tell you that I did attend Holy Family in Columbus a few times for Mass during the past few weeks and felt renewed. We didn’t attend the Latin Mass although I plan to on Wednesday morning. One of the things I liked the best about Holy Family was that my 13 ds actually came out after Mass and said that he liked this Church. That is a big deal for him. He doesn’t like the parish we attend right now at all. It is very orthodox and is maybe just too much “head” and not enough “heart” if you know what I mean. I would love for him to be an altar server someday.
Just one more thing, can you tell me about the CCD program at Holy Family? Do homeschoolers attend?
Kimberly – you KNOW how this speaks to my heart. So beautifully written and said, and quite akin to how we feel.
We’re STILL surprised TWO YEARS later how deeply and quickly we fell in love with this Mass of Saints, this Mass of ages. Yes, it speaks to the soul!
And, although we live 4 minutes from a church I too would weep to go there. It’s not the same…distracting, sadly…
So much to say about the expereince of the Latin Mass. I must put it on my to-do list for blogging. I have loved reading your story and I hope it encourages others to embrace their Catholic identities.
HUGS!
Hi Kimberly,
Thanks for sharing your story. I can totally identify. We, too, moved our family in search of the Mass–all the way from Brazil! My husband is also a convert, and after we met in the States and married, we moved to Brazil, where he was a lawyer. It was an especially excruciating experience for my husband, who expected to return to his own presumably Catholic country and live a devout and sacramental Catholic life together with his new family. Like many protestants, one of the primary things that led him to the Catholic Church was a lack of concrete moral authority found in his denomination. He loved the moral certitude and unalterable conviction he found in the Church and its Catechism. Imagine his surprise, when he was unable to find anyone else, let alone priests, who knew and believed what he understood the Catholic Church to represent. We unsuccessfully cajoled and argued with priests about liturgical abuses and dogma for years. Eventually, we found that the religious and faithful who most embodied and lived the eternal Catholicism in which we believed were without fail those who celebrated the Latin Mass. (That’s not to say you can’t find it anywhere else, of course….) Unfortunately, there weren’t any where we lived, so we set out, with God’s help, to move where there was a Latin Mass and where we could raise our children in the true Faith. My husband had to begin his career over and leave a cushy job and our home in Brazil, but finally we have moved here definitively and are able to attend the Latin Mass, befriend like-minded people, homeschool our children, and generally fight the good fight, with God’s grace, on a daily basis. Deo gratias!
This is my first time commenting at your blog; I recently subscribed to your blog feed after visiting your blog and realizing you were a fellow traditionalist!
Thanks for sharing. I love to read stories on how people came to the Traditional Mass. We have been attending for 8 years and LOVE IT.
What a great post! We attended our first TLM about a year ago, and have fallen in love with it. Our youngest son received his First Holy Communion this spring with five other children in our Latin Mass community, and it was so simple and beautiful — it felt like that was the way it is *supposed to be*. Thank you for sharing your story!
Kimberley, I wept as I read this post. I am where you were. I have returned to the church after many years and can’t believe what is happening. In our Diocese we aren’t even allowed to kneel at the consecration, though some of us at the back of the church quietly DO, although there are no kneelers.
I am passionate about serving and honouring God, but people at our church walk into church and sit and chat, or read their newsletters, ignoring our Blessed Lord, in the side tabernacle. It’s just like being in a Protestant church. I feel so lonely and weep often…. My husband is not a Catholic.
Our nearest Latin Mass is 2 hours drive away. How I long for it. But with the price of fuel it’s not an option.
I’m praying and I know God is faithful and will bring me through this. In the meantime I offer it up with as much joy as I can muster. Thanks for sharing YOUR journey.
Dear friends (old and new!)
Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging comments. It’s truly heartwarming to read so many stories of conversion. It’s also a bit heartbreaking to realize that so many are still struggling to hold onto faith in parishes where there are still so many liturgical abuses. The tide is turning…patience is required. Our Holy Father is ever diligent in his duties. God bless you all!
Rhonda: The CCD program at Holy Family is only taught by those loyal to the Magesterium of the Church. I believe all of our teachers currently attend the Latin Mass (though that is certainly not a requirement for obedience!). My children don’t currently attend, only because the class is held after the later Mass, not to mention that fact that I teach religion every day while homeschooling. Father is incredibly supportive of home education and allows parents to decide when their children are ready for the sacraments. He simply interviews the children to make sure of their understanding…just as any good shepherd would do. We are not required to participate in “group” sacraments. Our baptisms are scheduled when we want them (and Father’s schedule allows!) as are First Holy Communion and First Confession. I’m not sure what is going on with Confirmation right now. We’re working on having the traditional Latin Rite and want the Bishop to administer it. I’m not sure whether that will happen. If it does, it would be the first in many decades. If it doesn’t, Father will simply perform the Rite. We’ll see…
Hope to see you at Holy Family…you’ll be amazed at the wonderful community we have: faith, family and a whole lot of fun!
Bless you, this is such a great writing! We too attend a traditional Latin mass with all its glory and majesty reigning, quite a drive away as well. We began to attend some nine years ago, though some of our older children never came with us and have difficulty understanding the difference of both rites. They adore the reverence, yet it is not what they grew up to know. Patience is a virtue, we are being patient. Meanwhile, they do grow, marry, have babies and members of the family require utmost respect to prevent any conflict to arise between the differences.
Truly, we yearn for a parish community closer by, but that is just not going to happen. We love and embrace this rite, and the tide really is turning. We see so many young families flocking to find their traditional mass like you, so many babies too. Just imagine all these small children in twenty years from now!
One thing I would like to add is the beauty and wonder of hearing a young child humming parts of the mass sung in Latin, and the peace a soul engulfs just attending such a mass.
[...] blogmistress at Catholic Family Vignettes has written a marvelous post about her conversion – to Catholicism, and to the Traditional Latin Mass. An excerpt: [...]
Thank you for posting this wonderful article. I had similar experiences with RCIA and a modern parish when I first came into the Church. I had never attended a mass at all before I began RCIA, and had unknowingly fallen in love with the old rite through my reading and my love of history. When I finally did assist at my first mass, I went home and wept on my bed for half an hour…
I spent years praying for a TLM within driving distance, and am happy that we finally have one within an hour’s drive.
I’m so glad that you shared this with others. I might also suggest to anyone that is having similar dissatisfaction with the n.o. may enjoy the eastern rite liturgy as well.
Hello – I fell upon your blog from another blog.
I was raised in a traditional roman catholic home ~ was raised in parish schools, and my dear grandma had studied to be a nun. 
With that said – the Roman Catholic faith did not fill the void that only Jesus Could fill…. I was not taught the bible, yes chatechism, but not the word of God….. as found in the HOly Bible……..
I chose to leave the catholic faith and embrace the Lord Jesus as the way the truth & the life…….
I am puzzled friend if you were raised in Christianity how you could turn to the Catholic church for answers? I ask in all sincerity, and not meant to offend at all.
I just can’t believe anyone who had come to the Lord would wish to be a Catholic. I have been to Latin Mass many times, as always I leave empty and void. There is nothing that compares to a personal relationship with the Lord.
I have been reading the history of the Christian Church and I am agahst at the awful otracities committed by Popes and the Catholic Church thru the centuries. They added to God’s word and implemented doctrines that Christ never taught.
By the way, I love my catholic family! My parents remain steeped in tradition and all my sibs are very active in their Parishes.
I would love to know did you have a strong foundation in the Bible as a young adult? I have found most catholics do not know their bibles very well.
I guess I am puzzled why a bible believing, Jesus loving Christian could find fulfillment there.
There are so many doctrines that are simply not biblical.
I guess I am confused as to why?
Again, I mean no offense but sincerely am puzzled.
Writing from the perspective of having been a Catholic for 21 yrs of my life and having studied in detail it’s history and doctrines.
Sincere Regards,
gloria
Dearest Gloria:
I’ve emailed you a private response, as my commentary would be far too lengthy for this forum!
Friends:
Please feel free to share with Gloria any of your own personal observations regarding the efficacy of the Traditional Latin Mass and/or the historicity and Biblical roots of Catholicism in general. Remember…Charity, always!
Hi Kimberly,
I don’t have any idea how I found this blog, but maybe the reason is I’m having doubts about catholic church. First at all, sorry for my english, I speak spanish, so if I write something wrong please excuseme.
My doubts began when I found the mormons missionaries in my country, since 5 years ago. I’m still catholic but I divided between mormons beliefs and catholics as well. My family is catholic but don’t go to church, so I feel very lonely in my way. I need an spiritual life, and when a pray with mormons sisters and elders I felt something great the same as when I prayed to María Virgen.
On the ohter hand, reading mormons blogs I watched they have a great family life, here in my country the only thing a woman can do in catholic church is only attend misa, and sometimes is very boring. I’m telling this like a woman that maybe needs a new perspective about someone like you that have a strong faith. What do you think about lds churchs?, why they said they have the prophet?, I asked you this because i think you live in US, and maybe you have more information about that.
Thanks a million for reading this message,
Blessings
María
Dearest Maria:
I’m sending you a private email to address some of your concerns and doubts regarding the Catholic Church. I believe God has lead you here, to dispel your fears and to help you re-unite with the faith of your ancestors. I send the email sometime this afternoon…
Dearest Friends: Please feel free to share any information you may have regarding Mormonism and the contrast with Catholicism.
How do we respond to Gloria personally?